


Stains

by thundercaya



Series: The Workplace Warzone [13]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 23:01:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7242346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thundercaya/pseuds/thundercaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“That agreement was based on a friendship that, per you, no longer exists,” Hamilton said. “Therefore it’s null and void.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stains

"Mr. Madison!" Hamilton called. "Secretary Jefferson!"

Madison stopped in his tracks, brought his coffee to his mouth, and chugged it. Hamilton wasn't going to catch him uncaffienated again, even if Madison did have Jefferson for backup this time. He choked a bit on the last of it, but when he recovered he saw that both Jefferson and Hamilton were watching him, patiently waiting for him to finish.

"Yes, Secretary Hamilton?" Madison said, both giving Hamilton permission to continue and letting Jefferson know that he was all right.

"Glad I ran into you two," Hamilton said. "Can I see you in my office?"

"I don't know," Madison said. "How's the lighting?"

He and Jefferson exchanged fist bumps without even looking at each other. That coffee was hitting just right.

"Okay, rephrasing," Hamilton said. "I have something to show you in my office, so would you please come with me?"

Madison and Jefferson exchanged glances.

"I guess," Jefferson said as if it were the biggest imposition of the century.

Once inside Hamilton's office, Madison discarded his coffee cup into Hamilton's waste basket, or rather tried to, as it bounced off all the coffee cups already inside and hit the floor. Hamilton, however, had gone over to a cabinet against the back wall and didn't seem to notice. Madison discreetly kicked the cup aside as Hamilton reached behind the cabinet and pulled out a very large birthday card.

"For the President," Hamilton explained, bringing it over to his desk.

"You're pretty early on that," Jefferson noted.

"Well, I'm going to have everyone sign it," Hamilton said, making room on the desk and laying the card open, exposing the interior. "I figure that'll take me a while, so I wanted to give myself plenty of time."

"Who's everyone?" Jefferson asked.

"The Cabinet, the Supreme Court, and both Houses of Congress."

"That's a lot of people to keep a secret," Madison said.

"Well, if it works out, it'll be worth it," Hamilton said. He grabbed a pen off his desk and handed it to Madison. "Here. Sign it."

Madison leaned in to do so, noting that Hamilton had already secured a prime position for his signature in the upper right corner where it wouldn't get lost among the other names that would eventually accompany it. He considered putting his right in the middle, but he figured Jefferson might want that spot, so he went off-center instead. When no ink left the pen, he stopped mid-stroke. "If you're going to have all those people sign this, you're going to want a pen that works."

"That one's brand new," Hamilton said. "Here, let me see it."

While Hamilton scribbled over some scratch paper, Madison pulled out his own pen and signed the card. He passed the pen off to Jefferson who, sure enough, took the middle spot.

"What a piece of crap," Hamilton said of his pen, giving it a few shakes. A splash of ink flew out just as the pen passed within an inch of Madison's arm, settling into the fabric of his sleeve in a tiny splotch.

Madison looked down at the ink, then looked back up at Hamilton. "Just once, could I come into your office and _not_ have my day ruined?"

"Probably not," Jefferson said. "Best case scenario, you still have to talk to him."

Hamilton visibly--painfully--bit back a comment. "That should come right out," he said instead, "but if it doesn't, I'll take you to get a new one."

"I'll send you a bill," Madison said. "I have to order it."

"Oh, your suits come to you?" Hamilton asked. "Too good to walk around with the common folk?"

"He doesn't mind the common folk," Jefferson said, "but last time one of the mannequins startled him."

Madison covered his face. So much for backup. "Thomas, I can embarrass myself just fine without your help, thank you."

"That isn't embarrassing," Jefferson said. "It's--"

"Thomas, we _talked_ about this."

"Mr. Madison is right," Hamilton said. "It's embarrassing. But just how embarrassing is all in the details. How startled are we talking here? Did he scream?"

Madison found himself wondering if there was room for him in Hamilton's waste basket.

"I said startled, not scared," Jefferson said.

"Did he jump? Like a... like a little jolt? Like...." Hamilton put his hand over his heart and tensed up. "Like that?"

"No," Jefferson said. "He just...." Jefferson looked over his shoulder sharply and said; "'that's not a person.'"

"Okay, actually you're right, that is, disappointingly, not embarrassing. Assuming, of course, it was realistic, because otherwise--"

"Enough!" Madison said. " _If you must know_ , I have to order my suits because nothing at the stores ever fits even close enough for me to bother getting it altered."

"Oh, of course," Hamilton said, looking Madison over thoughtfully, hand on his chin. "Someone like you must have spent a lot of time at the pants fitter."

"Okay, you know what?" Madison said, "I'm going to let you have that. Because that's _all_ you have, and frankly that's _sad_."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that's _all_ I have, if I go back to, say, when a certain someone was out of the country."

Madison braced his hands on Jefferson's shoulders and tried to push him towards the door. "Thomas, we should get to work."

"Wait, wait," Jefferson said, planting his feet. "What'd I miss?"

"No," Madison said, pushing with his shoulder now, while also waving a finger emphatically at Hamilton. " _No_. We agreed that that didn't happen."

"What didn't happen?" Jefferson asked, grabbing Madison's shoulders and stepping away so the other man couldn't push him anymore. Madison grabbed Jefferson's arm and tried to pull instead.

"That agreement was based on a friendship that, per you, no longer exists," Hamilton said. "Therefore it's null and void."

"What happened?" Jefferson insisted.

"Thomas, you're supposed to be on my side!" Madison reminded petulantly, still yanking his arm. 

"I _am_ on your side," Jefferson assured, prying Madison's hands off of himself, "but I can't defend you if I don't know what happened."

"That is a very compelling argument, Secretary Jefferson," Hamilton said, "so I'm going to tell you. He killed my son's hamster."

Madison knew no defense was coming when Jefferson burst out laughing.

"What? How did you manage that?"

"I stepped on it," Madison said. "And it wasn't my fault. It shouldn't have been _loose_."

"But still," Jefferson chuckled, "the kid must hate you."

"He doesn't know. I went right out and bought a replacement. I had to go to three different pet shops to find the right color."

"You know, my son is much more mature now," Hamilton said, crossing his arms and leaning against his desk. "He might be ready to handle the facts."

"Can he handle the fact that you lied to him?" Madison shot back. "You became complicit when you helped me cover it up."

"James, no need to get so worked up about it," Jefferson said. "That was years ago."

"You don't understand," Madison defended. "I didn't have shoes on. It was very traumatic."

"He's right," Hamilton said. "I fought in a war, but if I stepped on a hamster? I'd never get over it."

With no help from Jefferson and very little defense of his own left, Madison saw no other choice but to address Hamilton's comment while ignoring the overwhelming sarcasm. "There, you see?" he said. "It's a stain I'll never be able to remove." He glared at Hamilton. " _Much like the one on my suit_."

Hamilton scowled. "God, just--send me the bill? And leave?"

Madison was never happier to do what Hamilton said.

Hopefully when he found the coffee cup later, Hamilton would think it was his.

**Author's Note:**

> Does anyone in this universe ever actually work? The answer is no.


End file.
